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I Don’t Need Talent, I Network

I Don’t Need Talent, I Network

Sure, I’m a people person. I like people who can do things for me.
Go to the profile of Adam Dietz
Adam Dietz
At Tonight’s Performance Of Antigone, The Role Of The Chorus Will Be Played By A Swarm Of Cicadas

At Tonight’s Performance Of Antigone, The Role Of The Chorus Will Be Played By A Swarm Of Cicadas

The Company is delighted to introduce this up-and-coming group of performers.
Go to the profile of Alice M. Phillips
Alice M. Phillips
Jesus, Leave The Wheel And Take The Aux Cord

Jesus, Leave The Wheel And Take The Aux Cord

We both know that making me the in-car DJ is just a friendship test.
Go to the profile of Rebecca Silver
Rebecca Silver
How To Be Your Partner’s Hot Teacher

How To Be Your Partner’s Hot Teacher

It helps to not wear pants.
Go to the profile of Kelly Shanley
Kelly Shanley
I’m The Wedding Guest Who Keeps Clinking Their Glass For The Newlyweds To Kiss

I’m The Wedding Guest Who Keeps Clinking Their Glass For The Newlyweds To Kiss

Awkward public displays of affection is my love language.
Go to the profile of Megan Sarnacki
Megan Sarnacki
Jack Handey, Humor Writer And Comedy Legend

Jack Handey, Humor Writer And Comedy Legend

Timeless tips for how humor writers can sharpen their craft, from the legend himself.
Go to the profile of Alex Baia
Alex Baia
Resident Submissions From The Toledo Zoo Anonymous Complaint Box

Resident Submissions From The Toledo Zoo Anonymous Complaint Box

Polar Bear Den — I appreciated the opportunity to leave the North Pole, but I don’t think Toledo is the place for me.
Go to the profile of Jordan De Padova & Dan Gutenberg
Jordan De Padova & Dan Gutenberg
More Heehee's and Hoohoo's
How I Face A Migraine

How I Face A Migraine

From Joan Crawford’s “My Way of Life.”
Go to the profile of Laton Carter
Laton Carter
Super Specific And Special Instructions With My Food Delivery Order

Super Specific And Special Instructions With My Food Delivery Order

Please hurry in a specific way, I’m hungry.
Go to the profile of Mayur Chauhan
Mayur Chauhan
A Day In The Life Of Someone With Bangs

A Day In The Life Of Someone With Bangs

I may look mysterious, but, truthfully, I’m miserable.
Go to the profile of Hannah Wilkinson
Hannah Wilkinson
In The Metaverse, We’re Building A Better Fake World

In The Metaverse, We’re Building A Better Fake World

Welcome to the future!
Go to the profile of Angus Duffin
Angus Duffin
Thanks For Contacting Jersey PILFs, Your Source For Sexy Plumbers

Thanks For Contacting Jersey PILFs, Your Source For Sexy Plumbers

At Jersey PILFs we give customers what they really want: a show.
Go to the profile of Tobi Pledger
Tobi Pledger
Eight Totally Reasonable Tips to Crush the Coding Interview

Eight Totally Reasonable Tips to Crush the Coding Interview

You’re gonna do great!
Go to the profile of Ryan David
Ryan David
The Death Of My iPhone And Coping With Loss

The Death Of My iPhone And Coping With Loss

All phones die but this one may have truly lived.
Go to the profile of Derek Bremer
Derek Bremer
My Bachelorette Party Will Be Different Because I Plan To Cheat On My Fiancé

My Bachelorette Party Will Be Different Because I Plan To Cheat On ...

Check the Google Doc for more details chica!
Go to the profile of Erin A Ross
Erin A Ross
Secrets To Winning NPR’s Tiny Desk Music Contest

Secrets To Winning NPR’s Tiny Desk Music Contest

Your band’s big break is here,
Go to the profile of Kelly Unger
Kelly Unger
Re: Your Divisive Question On Nextdoor About Animal-Themed Greeting Cards

Re: Your Divisive Question On Nextdoor About Animal-Themed Greeting...

Top comments from your neighbors.
Go to the profile of Laura Berlinsky-Schine
Laura Berlinsky-Schine
“Don’t Bother Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee” Updated With Harder Drugs

“Don’t Bother Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee” Updated With Harder Drugs

Quirky ways to communicate your substance abuse problems.
Go to the profile of Valmic Mukund
Valmic Mukund
The Never-Ending Dance Party

The Never-Ending Dance Party

Time for another throwback edition of FLOPB: The Bad Dates
Go to the profile of Kelly Shanley
Kelly Shanley
Car Names If Automakers Knew What The Hell They Were Doing

Car Names If Automakers Knew What The Hell They Were Doing

These are way better.
Go to the profile of Brett Willis
Brett Willis
FAQ: Your New Cat Photo Storage Device™

FAQ: Your New Cat Photo Storage Device™

It’s not just an iPhone.
Go to the profile of Rachel Reyes
Rachel Reyes
I May Be An Ultra Successful, But I’ve (Mostly) Never Forgotten Where I Came From

I May Be An Ultra Successful, But I’ve (Mostly) Never Forgotten Whe...

It was, probably, these experiences that helped make me the ultra-successful man I am today.
Go to the profile of Adam Dietz
Adam Dietz
My Loser Cat Gets Zero Likes

My Loser Cat Gets Zero Likes

He needs to up his influencer game.
Go to the profile of James Klein
James Klein
I’m A Mom In A Teen Rom-Com And I Have Some Questions About My Death

I’m A Mom In A Teen Rom-Com And I Have Some Questions About My Death

Tragedy plus time should equal boyfriend.
Go to the profile of Lily Hirsch
Lily Hirsch
Our App Guarantees Your Child’s Absolute Safety And Life Success

Our App Guarantees Your Child’s Absolute Safety And Life Success

We get it. In today’s terrifying world, it’s impossible to guard against every threat to your child’s success and well-being…
Go to the profile of Alex Baia
Alex Baia
14 Lines That Every TV Comedy Pilot Must Include

14 Lines That Every TV Comedy Pilot Must Include

“I knew there was a reason I went into teaching / medicine / hamster surgery!” The character establishes why they got started in this field.
Go to the profile of Emily Menez
Emily Menez
21st Century Duels

21st Century Duels

Historic accounts that spelled doom for the citizens of the 2000s.
Go to the profile of Megan Sarnacki
Megan Sarnacki
Classic Literary Breakups I’d Like To Have (So I Can Write About Them)

Classic Literary Breakups I’d Like To Have (So I Can Write About Them)

I want to use my heartbreak to achieve fame and success!
Go to the profile of Amy Currul
Amy Currul
We Like You—Leave Your Husband At Home

We Like You—Leave Your Husband At Home

Good things never come in pairs.
Go to the profile of M. Nathan Robinson
M. Nathan Robinson
Ten Ways to Wear a Tauntaun to this Year’s Met Gala

Ten Ways to Wear a Tauntaun to this Year’s Met Gala

Whatever the theme of the Met Gala might be this year, I assure you that an outfit made from tauntaun will fit right in.
Go to the profile of Adam Weigand
Adam Weigand
A Gen Z Guide To Calling The Doctor

A Gen Z Guide To Calling The Doctor

Much like a vaccine shot, phone calls are scary.
Go to the profile of Kenny Reilly
Kenny Reilly
Self-Improvement Books That Beg To Be Written

Self-Improvement Books That Beg To Be Written

Because there’s always room and money for self-improvement.
Go to the profile of Phil Witte
Phil Witte
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